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LIGHTNING REVIEW: Guys gone wild for affections of May

Scott Treadway and Lisa K. Bryant star in 'The Affections of May.'

By Robin Tolleson, Published: June 1, 2016

The Flat Rock Playhouse production of “The Affections of May” features the acting talents of company artistic director Lisa Bryant. Unfortunately Bryant’s skills are handicapped somewhat by Norm Foster’s surprisingly sophomoric and predictable script.

Billed as a romantic comedy, “The Affections Of May” draws from the “Married With Children” school of never too many erection jokes.
May (Bryant) seems like a fun enough gal. Her cheating husband, Brian, on the other hand, hides the suitcase he’s brought downstairs until May has brought him his breakfast – smart fellow to know that she might not have served him as cheerfully had she known he was leaving her momentarily.
We don’t know why Brian had an affair with a co-worker, only that May’s reaction was to drag him out of the city to open a bed & breakfast in the sleepy coastal community of Grogan’s Cove. Brian hates the familiarity of the small town, has no interest in running the B&B, belittles his wife’s overalls and admits to making continued calls to his mistress on the “car phone” (yes, the play is set in the 1990s).
Within moments of Brian walking out, the news leaks out and there’s a knock on May’s door. Quinn (Grayson Powell), the town drifter with a questionable past, recently homeless, has heard from Ronnie down at the gas station that May’s husband “dumped her.” Folks didn’t mess with silly old background checks back then so of course May invites him in for coffee and innuendo and offers him a room in exchange for work.
Quinn does seem an honest soul. Although someone who’d been shunned by the community, unfairly for the most part, might be a more nuanced character, less full of bravado – at least at first interested in more than just one thing.
The next knock on the door is apparently the only other male in town, Hank (Scott Treadway) from the bank. After making the identical small talk as Quinn, Hank reveals he has also heard from Ronnie at the gas station about May’s plight, and is “concerned” after having just seen Brian withdraw the couples’ savings on the way out of town.
One might expect the town’s loan manager to be a virtuous man, but Hank explains that it’s slim pickings in Grogan’s Cove as far as available females is concerned (males too, evidently), and invites her to the Halloween dance. Since she has already purchased a Little Bo Peep costume, and needs a bank loan, she agrees.
Treadway goes full-on Hee Haw meets La Cage aux Folles in his portrayal of Hank. They return from the Halloween dance — she in Bo Peep’s bloomers and he a full bunny outfit with large carrot in front. He insists on coming in, and quickly goes from making unseemly remarks about his big carrot to screaming “Let’s perform pagan acts together” while chasing her around the room.
After May throws Hank out, Quinn wanders downstairs in her husband’s bathrobe. And after being assaulted by the bank man, the handyman looks better and better to May. They share drinks and play a sexually-charged game of Scrabble (“horny for 9.” “Aroused for 24.”)
Quinn explains his family’s tragic history, and also throws in that he hasn’t had intimate relations in eight years, which seems to put May in a particularly sympathetic mood.
The next morning, a still hopeful Hank brings flowers and apologies. Hung over, May agrees that they will remain friends, and Hank laments that he’s remained “friends” with every woman he’s ever gone out with.
Quinn comes downstairs a changed man, clean and spiffily dressed, only to hear May deny her affair with him to the suspicious banker. After completing the odd-jobs at the bed and breakfast, Quinn announces that he’s leaving. May is cooking a nice dinner for Quinn and trying to apologize herself, when her husband returns to pick up some clothes.
Brian expresses surprise at May’s admission of a night of boisterous lovemaking with Quinn. “You never found my volume control,” she tells him.
Quinn has strong feelings for May, but thinks her chances of getting the bank loan she needs are worse with him there. Hank apologizes to Quinn for gossiping about his family, gives May the loan and says he’s been offered a job promotion out of town.
I won’t say who earns the affections of May but in the end Hank moves out of his mother’s house, and Quinn has a roof over his head too.

The Affections Of May, directed by Paige Posey, runs on the Flat Rock Playhouse mainstage through June 4. For tickets call 828-693-0731 or flatrockplayhouse.org